RANT
Get a New Line Boys!
December 7, 2005
Ok guys, you've all been there. It's Saturday night, you are at your favorite bar, just hanging out with friends when you notice an incredible hottie across the room. Thus, the flirting games begin! It begins with a few coy glances over at her to catch her eye. This is usually followed by a casual smile just to make sure she knows you're watching her. Finally, you begin to laugh loudly with your friends hoping your hottie notices how fun you are. Eventually a meeting must take place, but you will need an opening line that will knock her off her feet.
As you begin your approach with your wingman in tow, opening lines begin racing through your head faster than the New York Stock Exchange ticker tape. Your beer almost slips from your grasp as you notice how sweaty your palms have become. Your wingman tries to give you encouragement but your mind is racing with the panic of what you say can either make you or break you. She gets a nudge from her friend warning her of your impending approach. She turns, smiles invitingly to you, possibly even does a casual flip of her hair over her shoulder. At this point, the ball is completely in your court, you open your mouth and utter “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” thus sealing your fate as official bar schmuck.
Guys, we’ve heard that line so many times that “Did it hurt falling from heaven” would be a better try. At least we would laugh and give you props for being so cheesy. I mean most guys who use such a cheesy line are doing it for the reaction, not because they think it’ll actually get them anywhere. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” can be altered to “Hey didn’t you go to insert school here?” and “aren’t you insert name’s cousin, sister, neighbor, friend, mail carrier etc?” They all suck! What you’ve done is established yourself as a player. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you’ve been around this bar a few times and you can’t think of anything original to say. You’ve made me feel as if girls like me are a dime a dozen. No, you’re not going to score with me. Game over…
I’ll let you in on a little secret. We don’t need a line in order to spark our interest. We’ve most likely noticed you long before you’ve noticed us. Why do you think we happen to standing right in your line of sight? When we give you that smile from across the room that is your hint that we’d like to be talking to you. Odds are we’ve found a reason to walk by you a few times as it is. Or check to see if we toss our hair towards you, we’ve read in some magazine that guys notice stuff like that. In any case these are your signs! Act on them.
The approach can be a tricky thing. We want you to be confident but not cocky. If you look nervous as you are coming over then we’ll think you are adorable! After all, here you are, nervous to come talk to me, I now feel like the hottest girl in this bar. Please don’t panic if I am standing with a gaggle of girls. Once you and I have established eye contact I will casually separate myself from group and begin talking to just one of my friends. This way you can approach the two of us rather than 11 of us. It is very important that you are sure to bring your wingman. I can guarantee you that my friend is going to drag me away if she’s bored. If your friend is not interested in mine, he doesn’t necessarily have to “take one for the team”; he can just talk to her for awhile while you & I become better acquainted.
If you are still unsure with how the conversation is going, it might be time to change the scenery a bit. You can ask me to dance, see if I want to play pool or darts, or take me up to the bar to do a shot. Don’t forget my friend! You don’t want her feeling like the third wheel. This is where your wingman comes into play. We can play teams for pool or darts and I won’t feel uncomfortable going off alone with you. After all, we’ve just met. If you choose to buy us a shot, buy one for my friend and your wingman too. After all, doesn’t he deserve one for helping you out?
We are all adults here. When you meet someone at a bar it is initially based on physical attraction. I am well aware that you did not notice how my jeans showed off my “sense of compassion” from across the room and it compelled you to come over and talk to me. Just as I wasn’t admiring your “sensitivity” in hopes you would come over to say hello. Obviously physical attraction will only last so long if there is no chemistry. This is why good conversation (or a lot to drink) will be the factor on whether or not we continue to hang out. If you start off pretending to know me and we’ve never met before, don’t get comfortable. I’ll be moving on. Your first line to me was a lie, that’s not the best way to start things off.
If you genuinely think you know me start off with general conversation. Slowly you will remember if you truly do know me from somewhere. I guarantee you though, if you even once ask “don’t I know you from somewhere?” you will instantly be dismissed in my mind. The best line you can use on us? Try this one “Hi, how are you?” I guarantee that you’ll get a reply. After a few minutes of witty conversation, I’ll be convinced your daddy’s a thief and stole the stars and put them in your eyes. The rest is in your hands.
Jen Camilleri
Gentleman, take note when Jen talks.
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