RANT
Jarhead - Welcome to the Suck
December 5, 2005
I was looking so forward to seeing a good action-packed flick about Desert Storm.  When I saw the previews for Jar Head I thought this would be the one. I knew it wouldn’t be too long before this type of movie  would start popping up.  6 years ago there was David Russell’s story, Three Kings, which was about the theft of Kuwait once everyone was gone, which starred George Clooney, Mark Walberg and Ice Cube amongst many other notable actors, and this was a pretty good movie.  I don’t know about an award winner, but it would rank above the latest Desert Storm flick, Jar Head.

I was eagerly awaiting Full Metal Jacket meets Black Hawk Down, but was so disappointed after seeing it; I thought maybe I had seen the wrong movie.  How can they come out with a movie like this when our country is in a war?  This movie made me frustrated with our military, our government and even more upset with my waste of two hours.  Remember, you will be hard pressed to find someone who is more patriotic than me.  After I watched Black Hawk Down for the first time, I was ready to go sign up for the military the next day.  Since that first viewing, I have probably seen the movie 50 times.  For one, it’s got to be one of the best movies for a good surround sound system. Second, it just shows you what war is really about.  No real reason, we went in to a conflict, lost lives and nothing was solved or made better because of it; sort of like our current situation.  Jar Head is just a black eye for the Marines and the military in general.  Good luck getting any young men to sign up for the service after watching this movie.  Unless you enjoy sitting in a desert in 110 degree heat and masturbating for a few months, don’t plan on the younger generation signing up too soon.

I don’t think I would have been so disappointed with this movie if I would have known I was going to see a couple of hours with no action.  When you see the previews, it looks like the entire film is going to be action packed.  NOT!  My wife fell asleep, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open.  I might have well sat home, popped a few Valium and thrown in some old episodes of M.A.S.H.  Jamie Foxx put on a good performance, but after Ray (one of the best performances of all time), this is a flop.

The screenplay was adapted by William Broyles Jr., who in addition to some TV work, adapted the recent "Planet of the Apes" remake, and "Cast Away."  Not a lot blows up, there's no huge siege like in your typical Vietnam movie... it's a surprisingly affecting study of just one man, the experiences he had, the people he knew. It's about the Corps, and it's about brotherhood. Our main character, Swof, never judges, never mentions politics, is only the best Marine that he knows how to be.

As Swof's friend Troy says at one point, "Fuck politics. We're here. All the rest is bullshit."  This is all the movie is about, really, this is what happened, take it or leave it.

I’d say “Leave It”, unless you are into melodrama, and don’t want to get the blood flowing, don’t waste your time with this sleeper.  Welcome to the Suck, was the only part they had correct!

Scott Garner
scott@stldmag.com

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